ENTER Sir Charles Easy. Sir Char. So!...

ENTER Sir Charles Easy.

Sir Char. So! The day is come again -- life but rises to another stage, and the same dull journey is before us. How like children do we judge of happiness! When I was stinted in my fortune, almost everything was a pleasure to me, because most things then being out of my reach, I always had the pleasure of hoping for ‘em; now fortune’s in my hand, she’s as insipid as an old acquaintance -- it’s mighty silly, faith -- Just the same thing by my wife too; I am told she’s extremely handsome -- nay, and have heard a great many people say she’s certainly the best woman in the world -- why, I don’t know but she may, yet I could never find that her person or good qualities gave me any concern -- In my eye, the woman has no more charm than my mother.

Edg. Hum! -- he takes no notice of me yet -- I’ll let him see, I can take as little notice of him. [she walks by him gravely, he turns about and holds her, she struggles] Pray sir.

Sir Char. A pretty pert air that -- I’ll humour it -- what’s the matter, child? Are you not well? Kiss me, hussy.

Edg. No, the deuce fetch me if I do.

Sir Char. Has anything put thee out of humour, love?

Edg. No, sir, ‘tis not worth my being out of humour at -- tho’ if ever you have any thing to say to me again, I’ll be burn’d.

Sir Char. Somebody has bely’d me to thee.

Edg. No, sir, ‘tis you have bely’d yourself to me -- Did not I ask you, when you first made a fool of me, if you would always be constant to me, and did not you say, I might be sure you would? And here, instead of that, you are going in in your old intrigue with my Lady Graveairs.

Sir Char. So!

Edg. Beside, don’t you suffer my lady to huff me every day as if I were her dog, or had no more concern with you? -- I declare I won’t bear it, and she shan’t think to huff me -- For ought I know I am as agreeable as she; and tho’ she dares not take any notice of your baseness to her, you shan’t think to use me so -- and so pray take your nasty letter -- I know the hand well enough -- For my part, I won’t stay in the family to be abus’d at this rate: I that have refus’d lords and dukes for your sake. I’d have you know sir, I have had as many blue and green ribbons after me, for ought I know, as would have made me a fabala apron.

Sir Char. My lady Graveairs! My nasty letter! And I won’t stay in the family! Death! -- I’m in a pretty condition -- what an unlimited privilege has this jade got from being a whore!

Edg. I suppose, sir, you think to use every body as you do your wife.

Sir Char. My wife! Hah! -- Come hither, Mrs. Edging; hark you, drab [seizing her by the shoulder]

Edg. Oh!

Sir Char. When you speak of my wife, you are to say your lady; and you are never to speak of your lady to me in any regard of her being my wife -- for look you, child, you are not her strumpet, but mine, therefor I only give you leave to be saucy with me -- in the next place, you are never to suppose there is any such person as my Lady Graveairs; and lastly, my pretty one, how came you by this letter?

Edg. It’s no matter, perhaps.

Sir Char. Ay, but if you should not tell me quickly, how are you sure I won’t take a great piece of flesh out of your shoulder? -- My dear. [shakes her.]

Edg. O lud! O lud! I will tell you, sir.

Sir Char. Quickly then.

Edg. Oh! I took it out of your pocket, sir.

Sir Char. When?

Edg. Oh! This morning, when you sent me for your snuff box.

Sir Char. And your ladyship’s pretty curiosity has look’d it over, I presume -- ha.

Edg. O lud! Dear sir, don’t be angry -- Indeed I’ll never touch one again.

Sir Char. I don’t believe you will, and I’ll tell you how you shall be sure you never will.

Edg. Yes, sir.

Sir Char. By steadfastly believing that, the next time you offer it, you will have your pretty white neck twisted behind you.

Edg. Yes, sir. [Curtsying]

Cibber, Colley. The Careless Husband. Act 1.

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