A sign says ST. LOUIS CEMETERY NO. 1. It...

A sign says ST. LOUIS CEMETERY NO. 1. It's dark. CELESTE is holding a flashlight and a little bag. She is leading the way. MARY GRACE is also holding a flashlight. MARY GRACE, MARIE, REGINA, BREE, and CATHERINE are stealthily following CELESTE.

CELESTE

Listen. I don't want y'all to be jealous, but that owl in front of us said that I was looking good.

BREE

What?! What owl?

CELESTE

That owl, right in front of us. The one with the tie-dyed T-shirt smoking a cigarette. I know it's unhealthy, but somehow he makes it look sexy.

CATHERINE

Celeste, in case you've forgotten, owls.. can't talk.

CELESTE

He can. Not only can he talk, he can dance great. He's got some moves.

CELESTE begins to do a slow snaky dance.

MARY GRACE

Have you gone crazy?

CATHERINE

We should ask ourselves that, Mary Grace. We're the ones following a crazy woman through a cemetery in the middle of the night.

REGINA

That's right. We're just as crazy as she is and none of us had a sip of that absinthe.

BREE

Yeah. At least she has an excuse.

REGINA

There are so many tombs here. How are we going to figure out which one is Marie Laveau's?

MARY GRACE

This could take all night.

CELESTE

(wild and crazy) It can't take all night! I have to dig the roots at midnight! We're going to divide and conquer!

BREE

Oh hell no. We're not splitting up.

CELESTE

Oh yes we are! You and the other mermaids go that way! The owl, the voodoo queen and I will go this way! Come on Marie!

CELESTE and MARIE exit.

CATHERINE

Are we really going to do this?

MARY GRACE

Of course we are. Celeste is convinced that if she can get the last item for her gris gris pouch that she can ward off this supposed curse.

REGINA

Even if it's the nocebo effect, we've got to go with it to help her.

CATHERINE

What on earth is the nocebo effect?

REGINA

A placebo effect is when you give somebody a sugar pill and tell them it will help them and they believe it, so it does. The nocebo effect is when you tell somebody something will harm them. They believe it so it eventually harms them.

BREE

If Celeste really believes she's going to die if she doesn't get all these things for her voodoo bag of protection thing, she's gonna freak out.

MARY GRACE

It's called a gris gris bag. I googled it. She's only got the roots from around Marie Laveau's tomb left to fill it and break the curse.

CATHERINE

When we were in that VooDoo shop they had a bunch of raccoon penises and chicken feet for sale that were supposed to protect you and bring you luck. I might not have any of that handy-

BREE

Thank goodness.

CATHERINE

But I have this rabbit's foot. It's gotta be as good as a chicken's foot.

MARY GRACE

Although maybe not as good as a raccoon penis.

CATHERINE

Anyway, here's hoping it's gonna protect us. Celeste needs these roots so we're gonna by God help her find them because she's our friend.

REGINA

Catherine's right. I hope if I were high on absinthe and determined to find a voodoo queen's grave with a Merry Maid, y'all would help me too.

BREE

I'm in.

REGINA

Let's go.

REGINA, MARY GRACE, BREE, and CATHERINE exit.

CELESTE and MARIE enter. CELESTE falls to her knees still clutching the little bag. MARIE is holding the flashlight.

CELESTE

(Wailing)

It's midnight! And I don't have my roots! That's it! It's over! Celeste Abercrombie Scarborough is a goner!

THIBAUT

(O.S.)

Celeste! Celeste!

CELESTE

Yes God! I'm ready!

MARIE makes the sign of the cross.

THIBAUT enters. CELESTE stands.

THIBAUT

Are you O.K.?

CELESTE

For now. Look Marie! Captain Kangaroo has come to save us!

MARIE stands between THIBAUT and CELESTE as they face one another.

THIBAUT

No. I'm THIBAUT, remember?

CELESTE

Yes! You are Thibaut! Regina calls you Thibaut the Rodeo Cowboy! (Celeste grinds the air and pretends to swing a lasso above her head.)

THIBAUT

Yeah? That Regina is a real doll.

CELESTE

She IS a doll! She's Baby Alive!

MARIE

I had one of those. They're kind of creepy.

CELESTE

Thibaut, I'm going to die soon. The voodoo priestess at The Bacchus Ball said that Celeste Abercrombie Scarborough was going to cease to exist soon. And Marie here, the supposed reincarnated voodoo queen, has been absolutely no help.

MARIE

I'm really just a Merry Maid.

CELESTE

I wasn't able to get any roots from near Marie Laveau's tomb. The place is covered in cement.

THIBAUT

Yeah, after Hurricane Katrina the city poured cement in all the cemeteries because a lot of the tombs floated away.

CELESTE

That's terrible!

THIBAUT

It was terrible.

CELESTE

It was really nice meeting you. I really would have liked to get to know you better. You're the only man I've been attracted to in five years.

THIBAUT

Well, maybe I can see if I can keep Celeste Abercrombie Scarborough around for a while.

CELESTE kisses THIBAUT.

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