Milli, Vivian, Wynona, Twyla Fay, and Ge...

Milli, Vivian, Wynona, Twyla Fay, and Georgia are 

sitting around the fire holding various cups and 

wine glasses.

VIVIAN 

You were right, Milli. Talk Derby to Me Catering knows 

how to put on quite a shindig.

WYNONA 

I've decided that anything tastes better when 

you plop it into a martini glass. I'll never eat my 

shrimp and grits out of a bowl again.

GEORGIA 

I guess glamping isn't so bad after all. The tents are 

pretty and Talk Derby to Me makes a mean Derby Pie.

WYNONA 

I managed to partake of the Derby Pie and drink two of 

Twyla Fay's Mint Juliuses. Instead of a muffin top I'm 

gonna have a six-tiered wedding cake if I don't watch 

it.

MILLI 

It's a special occasion.

TWYLA FAY 

That's right. Don't deny yourself the pleasures of a 

Mint Julius. Besides, it can't be all bad. It's got 

some orange juice- a serving of fruit, and some eggs- 

protein.

WYNONA 

True. When you think about it, a Mint Julius is kind of 

like one of those healthy smoothie things people drink.

GEORGIA 

Yeah, without nasty stuff like kale. I tried that once 

and all I can say is if death had a taste, it would 

taste like kale.

VIVIAN 

Really, we've just substituted smooth Kentucky bourbon 

for kale. Besides, all that alcohol is probably useful 

in killing the salmonella in the raw eggs. 

WYNONA 

Here's to Twyla Fay's Healthy Designer Cocktail, the 

Mint Julius!

ALL 

Here, here! (They toast.)

MILLI 

I hope you ladies are ready for some wonderful 

entertainment this evening.

WYNONA 

My goodness Milli. A catered supper, designer 

cocktails, and now entertainment?

GEORGIA 

Even I have to admit you've really outdone yourself.

MILLI 

But no evening is complete without entertainment. Besides I should get something for that sixty thousand dollar musical theater degree I paid for.

JESSIE LEE 

(Peeks out of the tent.) I heard that Momma!

MILLI 

Sorry honey! Here's to being in Louisville, Kentucky, home of the Kentucky Derby. So without further ado, here she is. Miss Louisville Lou!

JESSIE LEE

LOUISVILLE LOU

THEY CALL THE LADY LOUISVILLE LOU, 

AND WHAT THAT VAMPING BABY CSN DO! 

SHE IS THE MOST HEART BREAKING-EST, 

SHIMMY-SHAKING-EST, 

THAT THE WORLD EVER KNEW. 

SHE'S GOT THE KIND OF LOVIN' THAT HOLDS 'EM, 

BIG, BLACK EYES, AND SHE ROLLS 'EM. 

HOT LIPS, THAT ARE PIPS, AND NO MORE CONSCIENCE THAN A 

SNAKE HAS HIPS. 

AND WHEN SHE STRUTS HER FEATHERS AND PLUMES, 

THE PORTERS DROP THEIR MOPS AND THEIR BROOMS, 

YOU OUGHT TO SEE THEM TRAILIN' HER, INHALIN' HER 

PERFUME. 

SHE'S GOT A DADDY OH TOO OLD TO ENJOY,

BUT SHE'S ALSO GOT A LOVERBOY. 

SO, BROTHER, HERE'S MY WARNING TO YOU: 

KEEP FAR AWAY FROM LOUISVILLE LOU. 

FOLKS YOU'VE HEARD OF SCANDALOUS VAMPS

HISTORY IS FULL OF LOVE MAKING CHAMPS

BUT IF YOU CRAVE A BRAND NEW THRILL

COME AND MEET THE VAMP OF LOUISVILLE

SHE'S A GAL WHO'S NOBODY'S FOOL,

GOT A KICK THAT'S LIKE THE KICK OF A MULE

UNTIL YOU'RE VAMPED BY THIS BRUNETTE

BROTHER YOU AIN'T HAD NO VAMPING YET

THEY CALL THE LADY LOUISVILLE LOU, 

AND WHAT THAT VAMPING BABY CAN DO!

SHE'S GOT THE MEANEST PAIR OF EYES, THEDA BARA EYES

THAT THE WORLD EVER KNEW. 

SHE'S GOT A PRETTY FORM AND SHE SHOWS IT

SHE'S SOME DOLL AND SHE KNOWS IT

WHAT PEP, DOES SHE STEP? 

THAT'S WHAT SHE DON'T DO NOTHIN ELSE EXCEPT

AND WHEN SHE STRUTS HER FEATHERS AND PLUMES, 

THE PORTERS DROP THEIR MOPS AND THEIR BROOMS, 

YOU OUGHT TO SEE THEM TRAILIN' HER, INHALIN' HER 

PERFUME. 

DON'T MESS AROUND WITH HER CAUSE BELIEVE YOU ME

MAN YOU'RE MESSIN' ROUND WITH TNT 

NOW, BROTHER, HERE'S MY WARNING TO YOU: 

KEEP FAR AWAY FROM LOUISVILLE 

I MEAN LOUISVILLE

AH LOUISVILLE LOU.

TWYLA FAY 

That was wonderful, Jessie Lee!

JESSIE LEE 

Thank you. 

GEORGIA 

Don't you let your Momma get to you about that Musical 

Theater degree. I have a degree in Romance Languages 

and I did just fine.

VIVIAN 

Yes, Georgia, clearly a degree in Romance Languages did 

work for you since you ended up marrying a professional 

baseball player.

TWYLA FAY 

You can get a degree in the Language of Love?

GEORGIA 

It's not a degree in the language of love, Twyla Fay. I 

double majored in Portuguese and French, two of the 

languages derived from Latin spoken by the Romans, 

hence the Romance Languages.

MILLI 

Who did you think you were going to speak Portuguese to in Willacoochee, Georgia?

VIVIAN 

Maybe she thought she'd meet some Brazilian hottie.

TWYLA FAY 

What does that have to do with Georgia speaking 

Portuguese in Willacoochee?

GEORGIA 

They speak Portuguese in Brazil, Twyla Fay. What did 

you think they spoke?

TWYLA FAY 

I don't know... Brazilian?

WYNONA 

Don't feel bad, Twyla Fay. I would have said 

Spanish...or Brazilian.

GEORGIA 

Brazil was a Portuguese colony.

TWYLA FAY 

Well, excuse me.

GEORGIA 

Jessie Lee, I'm confident you'll find your niche in 

life, just like I did.

MILLI 

You found your niche alright, in the arms of an Atlanta 

Braves short stop. I want Jessie Lee to be an 

independent woman.

GEORGIA 

I'm an independent woman!

MILLI 

Yes, you are. Independently wealthy since Chip got hit 

in the head by that baseball and died. God rest his 

soul. We were both at the mercy of our husbands' income 

while we were raising our kids though.

GEORGIA 

Thank goodness I took out that hazard insurance. Chip 

laughed at me but I told him if my job consisted of 

a dense sphere flying through the air at me at a 

hundred miles an hour, he should take out a hazard 

policy on me too.

WYNONA 

I guess he's not laughing now.

MILLI 

Anyway! I don't want Jessie Lee to be beholden to anyone.

VIVIAN 

My gosh, Milli. You act like you were Ronald's love 

slave or something.

GEORGIA 

Yeah Milli. Chip always told me whatever was his was 

mine. Of course, he also knew the divorce court thought 

the same thing.

TWYLA FAY 

I'm sure Jessie Lee will always be able to hold her own 

financially. Anyone who can traipse on to a stage with 

no fear in front of hundreds of people can certainly 

figure out how to pay the rent.

JESSIE LEE 

Thank you for that vote of confidence!

TWYLA FAY 

But baby should things go South just know you'll always 

have a job at The Tastee Freeze.

GEORGIA 

Twyla Fay!

TWYLA FAY 

I'm just sayin's all!!

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