_JANET and VICTORIA sit at a small table...

JANET and VICTORIA sit at a small table. JANET pours a glass of wine for each of them.

JANET: I don't get it. Two smart, attractive, seriously could-be-something-long-term guys are into you, and you're whining like you got a "C" on a history exam. Two months ago you were complaining that there were no good men left, and here you sit with two great candidates. Tell me, what am I not getting here?

VICTORIA: Because there are two of them, and I'm not a polygamist.

JANET: Says who? Go ahead. Have your brother-boyfriends or whatever the gender equivalent of sister-wives would be.

VICTORIA: Seriously, I need your help.

JANET: Seriously, enjoy this.

VICTORIA: Options breed discontent.

JANET: No, you breed discontent. Listen mopey, this is a great problem to have. Guys are always playing girls. Now, you have the perfect opportunity to get in the game. So, play player.

VICTORIA: I'm too busy to play.

JANET: Alright...let me get the jars.

JANET exits.

VICTORIA: We're not picking a movie. We're talking about my love life.

JANET: (Offstage) I'm getting the jars!

JANET enters with two clear jars and a bag full of marbles. She sets the jars down on the table each representing one of the guys.

JANET: Okay, guy number one, Mr. Nick....guy number two, Mr. Tony. Let's start with something lame, like personality.

VICTORIA: You're superficial.

JANET: Honest...I'm honest...so? Now, I know Nick started out rough.

VICTORIA: True...okay, well, compatibility wise, Tony and I are very similar. We think the same way. He's fun to be around. Nick is sweet, easy-going, but we're not always on the same page. Tony just gets me.

JANET: Okay, half a handful for Mr. Gets-Me and a third of a handful for Mr. Easy-Going. Intellect?

VICTORIA: Nick is really computer smart. It's like having your own personal IT guy. He loves talking about great classic novels too. But, Tony is a doctor. I mean, that speaks for itself, right?

JANET: Okay, sounds pretty equal to me.

JANET pours half a handful in each jar.

JANET: Money?

VICTORIA: Janet?!

JANET: What? That's important. How much money someone has, or more importantly, how they handle it, is a key to how responsible they are.

VICTORIA gives her a shocked look.

JANET: And you said I was superficial. Who's got coin?

VICTORIA: I don't know...equal, I guess...they both seem to be doing well.

This time VICTORIA grabs the marbles and puts half a handful in each of them.

JANET: (Winks) Body? And you know what I mean.

VICTORIA: They both work out. They're both attractive.

They both reach for the marbles and put half a handful in each.

JANET: And finally the classic girl question: Security. Which one do you see yourself coming home to? Potentially, a good dad, or more importantly, someone that you can bring home to your father, Judge I-was-in-the-Marines-and-I'm-not-afraid-to-shoot-you Lopez.

VICTORIA: That's the part I can't figure out. Nick has something that just screams safety. At first, I thought it was just boring, but really he could be a good dad. I think my parents would love him. Plus, he speaks Spanish which my mom would love. Tony, I guess I don't know enough about him, I think my parents would like him but...I don't know.

JANET puts a third of handful in the "Tony" jar and half a handful in the "Nick" jar. Now the jars are even.

JANET: Well, the verdict of the jars looks to be about the same. Listen, Tori, you just have to go with your gut, okay? Or better yet, tell them you're dating both of them and let them duel it out...that's kind of hot...or you can take my original advice and...

VICTORIA: Play?

JANET: Player!

VICTORIA's phone buzzes.

VICTORIA: A message from Tony. He wants me to meet him at the park.

JANET: Get it, girl!

VICTORIA: Shut up.

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