MAN2: We interrupt your regularly schedu...

MAN2: We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for these ridiculous jokes...jokes? Sure, we'll call them jokes.

WOMAN2: What is it with everyone going hairless? Like, we're mammals, people...these advertisements for laser hair removal are driving me crazy. I like my hair and I like hair, on men. When I see hairless men at the beach, I think: little boy. I need a man, a hairy man with a snarl. Kind of like a Wookiee who speaks English.

MAN1: You know you've hit a new low when you're eating rum cake for breakfast. It's cake, so you know you're depressed, but you're consuming the cake for the alcohol too, which I suppose is a more respectable way to start day drinking.

WOMAN1: You know you have a solid marriage when you can describe your bowel movements, and your partner is legitimately interested or concerned. "Honey, you need to drink more water...here, have a fiber bar it will be good for your colon." That's either a solid marriage, or you've hit you 40's, which either way, you're not young or embarrassed anymore. Which is great, because when you're young, you care about whether you sweat or fart or sneeze too loud, but getting to that point of vocalizing "screw it, too much Taco Bell is coming back to haunt me right now"...that's pure freedom.

MAN2: If our ancestors could see us now they would be so disappointed. Like "Hey, I didn't kill a woolly mammoth, survive the elements, and out run that cheetah just so you could watch the Real Housewives, Becky."

WOMAN2: Falling in love is weird. It's like the feeling of euphoria mixed with indigestion. I want to climb a mountain for this person, but first let me have some TUMs.

MAN1: Have you been to the Atlanta airport? It's one of the busiest airports in the country...got to be the busiest in the southeast. The problem with the Atlanta airport are the trams. They are ridiculously fast. You step in and whoosh the door closes, the tram starts moving as they give you that warning about holding on for safety, but by then it's too late and there are babies and luggage flying everywhere. Finally, you stop suddenly, as the translation for the "Hold on warning" is still going. That stop defies the laws of physics. I'm not entirely sure my face is still on after that whole ordeal. We might have been sucked into a black hole. That might explain my flight delay, since the trams have disrupted the space-time continuum.

MAN2: Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

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