DEACON 1

Ah, Sexton, so nice of you to drop by.

GRUB (irritated)

I didn't "drop by," I were told to be here. Now say your say.

DEACON 1 (nervous, clears throat)

Yes, well, as you know, it's customary for the deacons to distribute gifts to the staff at Christmas...

GRUB (excitedly)

You've got some money for me?

DEACON 1 (slowly)

But it is with regret that we must inform you...

DEACON 2 (angrily)

You're not getting any money this year!

(Grub bristles.)

GRUB (angrily)

Hey, what are you trying to pull?! The church baskets have been brimming over of late!

DEACON 1

Money's not the problem.

GRUB (threateningly)

Then what is?!

DEACON 1 (cowed)

The problem, Sexton...

DEACON 2 (pointing to Grub)

Is you!

(Grub bangs fist on table. Deacon 2 yelps, jumps behind Deacon 1.)

GRUB

I'm a