PILGRIM 1 Hey. PILGRIM 2 ‘sup? P...

PILGRIM 1 Hey.

PILGRIM 2 ‘sup?

PILGRIM 1 You know, uh, since we’ve come to this land and the Plymouth Rock and all that, something feels funny.

PILGRIM 2 That’s probably the venison.

PILGRIM 1 I mean / in my soul.

PILGRIM 2 / I told EbenezerEzekielJeremiah to throw that venison away. You can’t just leave it out. It’ll spoil. But he’s like oh we shouldn’t let good venison go to waste, which I guess he has a point considering the fact that we haven’t implemented our agricultural system yet. But you can’t just eat old deer. That boy ain’t got a lick of sense from the buckle in his shoe to the buckle in his hat. So, of course he starts serving it to everyone—hang on a second there, did you say soul?

PILGRIM 1 My national soul. Not my religious soul. My religious soul is fine and / there is no reason to burn me at the stake.

PILGRIM 2 That’s good, because I was going to suggest that we burn you at the stake. We are Puritans.

PILGRIM 1 That is so funny how alike our minds just went to the same place.

PILGRIM 2 Allow me to confide in you. I’ve felt something similar. Like, I know that we just came over here because we’re such golldarned religious fanatics that not even ENGLAND will take us any more, but I feel like something has changed. Like we’re new people.

PILGRIM 1 Yes, yes! I was just about to say that. I was just. About. To say, that.

PILGRIM 2 Do you think that we have split identity disorder?

PILGRIM 1 No, you know what I think? I think that we’re a new people in a new nation.

PILGRIM 2 Mind blown.

PILGRIM 1 Yeah.

PILGRIM 2 F##k.

PILGRIM 1 I know.

PILGRIM 2 What do we do?

PILGRIM 1 Do? We trademark this and make sure no one knows that there were people here when we got here and convince everyone that the Spanish and Blacks aren’t like us.

PILGRIM 2 Deal.

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