CAPTAIN JOHNSON Good afternoon. I’m Cap...

CAPTAIN JOHNSON Good afternoon. I’m Captain Johnson – (puts out hand) – from the President.

MR. WALKER Welcome. (looks behind him) Where is it?

CAPTAIN JOHNSON (points to briefcase) In here.

MR. WALKER Oh, then it’s not a very big missile?

CAPTAIN JOHNSON No, no. And it comes with free homeowner’s insurance. (tips hat at MRS. WALKER) Afternoon, Mrs. Walker. (sits on couch, opens briefcase) Now, if you’ll just sign the homeowner’s policy, I’ll slip this little sucker in your chimney and be on my way.

MR. WALKER Let’s talk about that. I can understand being careful. But isn’t this a bit excessive?

MRS. WALKER What if it blows up by accident?

CAPTAIN JOHNSON Can’t happen. We have to launch it from Washington.

MRS. WALKER Oh. How powerful is it?

CAPTAIN JOHNSON Let’s just say it’s a potent addition to the war on terror.

MR. WALKER How many megatons?

CAPTAIN JOHNSON I can’t reveal that. But we call it, in honor of the President, the Baby Boomer. (holds up policy) Now, if you’ll just sign here.

MRS. WALKER I’m sorry, Captain, but our chimney will never do. It’s much too old.

MR. WALKER Bricks fall out all the time. As much as we support the president, we don’t want it.

CAPTAIN JOHNSON What? Think what you’re standing in the way of! You have a chimney, your neighbor has a chimney, millions of chimneys, all across the America. Those terrorists show up anywhere, we got ‘em. So, you see, there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.

MR. WALKER What about, what do you call that, collateral damage?

CAPTAIN JOHNSON No need to concern yourself. It’s a smart missile. It only kills terrorists. I’m seeing your neighbor next.

MR. WALKER Count him out.

CAPTAIN JOHNSON Why is that?

MR. WALKER He already has a nuclear sub in his garage.

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