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Scene Overview

Show Type
Play
Age Guidance
Youth (Y)/General Audiences (G)
Genders
  • Female: 0
  • Male: 1
Style
Comedic
Length
Short
Time Period
Contemporary
Time/Place
A hospital operating theater, present day
Act/Scene
Act 1

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Context

Text

SURGEON What are you doing? I need that.

RAY (holds scalpel toward chest) I’m going to perform the operation myself.

SURGEON Yourself? You can’t do that. You’ll bleed to death.

RAY Better now than for years to come! How much more will it cost if I lie down and do it?

FEMALE NURSE I don’t know. We don’t have any experience in self-surgery.

SURGEON I’m the only one in this room with a license to perform a heart operation.

RAY But I can’t pay for it without wrecking my life. Either I operate or I die!

SURGEON (to male nurse) Call security.

MALE NURSE Yes, Doctor Johnson.

RAY Don’t do that! I can’t wait. I need to operate now.

(staggers a bit)

What if I just have angioplasty?

SURGEON You need a quadruple bypass.

RAY What about if I only have a double? Can I save half?

SURGEON Same price.

RAY And a single?

SURGEON “It won’t help. Your blood vessels are all clogged. To much rich living.”

RAY But don’t you see? That’s why I can’t stand to be poor. I’m used to living well.

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