FIRST PERSON Shoot him, shoot him! Befo...

FIRST PERSON Shoot him, shoot him! Before he shoots us!

SECOND PERSON He came here to kill us and then kill himself.

FIRST COP Is what they say true?

MASS MURDERER Yes, I admit it! But my plan is different – different than any of you suspect. And nobody can stop me!

SECOND COP Why not?

MASS MURDERER Because I’m going to shoot myself first.

SECOND COP Did you say, you’re going to shoot yourself first?

MASS MURDERER That’s right!

FIRST COP Then how can you kill anyone else?

(to other cop)

Is this guy a loon or what? Better call for reinforcements.

SECOND COP You got it.

(reaches for phone)

Let’s just keep him talking till they get here.

SECOND PERSON He’s crazy.

THIRD PERSON Protect us, please.

FIRST COP Can you explain that a little more clearly?

(motions for second cop to hold call)

MASS MURDERER All right! All right! Here’s the plan. And I want it reported just like I say it, OK?

FIRST COP We have no control over the press. But we’ll tell it like it is.

MASS MURDERER Thanks! I can’t ask for more.

SECOND COP So exactly what is on your mind?

MASS MURDERER Well, I thought about my intentions and said to myself, if I’m gonna come here and kill a lot of people and then kill myself, I might as well start with myself.

FIRST COP Did you hear this nut?

SECOND COP Yeah, we hear ya. You say you’re gonna kill yourself first.

MASS MURDERER You got it! I mean, if you think about it, it’s just common sense. I’ll be dead either way. But this way, nobody else has to die. It seems like the thoughtful thing to do.

FIRST COP But why kill yourself at all?

MASS MURDERER Because I’m a mass murderer! Only I’ve got common sense.

(points rifle at self)

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