Bobby. Not many in tonight, wonder why I...

Bobby. Not many in tonight, wonder why I bother sometimes.

John. You bother because you have nothing else to do, and neither do I.

Bobby. (Looking at a woman in the bar) Say isn’t that Jane Rogers, (slowly) no, but it looks like her. You used to fancy her at University.

John. God Bobby how far back are you going now? I know Mary hurt you when she dumped you but for God’s sake get over it and move on.

Bobby. I have moved on, I had to; she kicked me out of the house.

John. You never really explained why she chucked you out, she have another fella?

Bobby. No, but she thought I had.

John. (Incredulously) You had another fella?

Bobby. Don’t be stupid, no she thought I had another woman.

John. And you didn’t?

Bobby. No, of course not, but that didn’t stop Mary putting two and two together and making five.

John. Just out of interest who did she think you were having it off with?

Bobby. She thought, as you so nicely put it, that I was having it off with my secretary, Alisha.

John. You are joking? She must be twenty years younger than you and Mary really thought you had pulled her?

Bobby. Don’t sound so amazed, I’m not that old and I still have all my faculties. But that’s beside the point; I was not having an affair with her.

John. So why was Mary convinced you were?

Bobby. It’s a long story, but basically I was working a lot of overtime which meant spending a lot of time with Alisha, especially over a contract with a firm in Scotland. I had to go to Glasgow for an important meeting and I needed Alisha to be with me. I was worried that Mary would get the wrong end of the stick so I didn’t tell her; I said it was a golf weekend with the lads from work.

John. And she found out it wasn’t, who blabbed?

Bobby. It doesn’t matter who blabbed, she found out, got the wrong end of the stick and that was that.

John. You can’t blame her really, why didn’t you just come clean in the first place?

Bobby. Hindsight has twenty/twenty vision; my eyesight’s not that good.

John. Is she filing for divorce?

Bobby. Not yet, but it’s just a matter of time I suppose.

John. While there’s life and no solicitors there’s hope, come on what are you having?

(They move to the bar and order drinks).

(Three ladies now enter, one is the aforesaid Mary).

Mary. How did I ever let you talk me into coming here, I got rid of one useless man, I certainly don’t want another one.

Carol. We didn’t force you; let’s face it you were bored witless staying in every night.

Mary. I was not; I am really into Casualty and Ant and Dec. (Pause). Okay you’re right I was bored rigid. But this place doesn’t exactly look like its buzzing.

Barbara. Give it a chance, it’s early, it picks up after nine, well sometimes it does. Oh my God! Look whose over there.

Mary. Bobby! I’m not stopping, I’m going. (She begins to move back to the door but Carol and Barbara pull her back). Did you two know he would be here?

Carol. Of course not we’re not stupid, well we are, but not that stupid.

Barbara. You can’t go now; it will look like you are afraid of being in the same room as him.

Mary. I’m not afraid of him; I just don’t want anything more to do with the useless, lying, cheating, swine.

Carol. I knew he was useless a liar and a swine all men are, but I never knew he cheated on you?

Mary. Oh he denied it, but there’s no way he was just working overtime every other night. That secretary of his was a right little tart, just up his street.

Barbara. Come on let’s get a seat and I’ll get the drinks in, you don’t have to go anywhere near him. Say, isn’t that Anne Kirkham?

Carol. Yes it is, I thought she had gone back down south?

Barbara. Obviously not; I have to say I am surprised to see her in here so soon after the funeral.

Mary. Me either, her husband was rumored to be nigh on perfect, though I doubt any man is that.

Carol. You thought Bobby was until a few weeks ago.

Mary. Just goes to show how wrong you can be, especially where men are concerned. Oh I’m going home; I can’t stay here when he’s here.

(The two other women take her by the arm and lead her to a seat in the corner, as far away from the bar as possible).

Carol. Are you going to be good or do we have to tie you to that chair?

Mary. Okay, leave me alone; just don’t expect me to have a good time.

Carol and Barbara. We won’t.

(They both go to the bar).

Carol. (To the barman). Two white wines and a whisky and soda please.

Barman. Certainly madam. Ice in the whisky?

Carol. No thank you.

John. Well if it isn’t Carol Jones as was, what the hell are you doing in a place like this?

Carol. Get lost John; you tried that line three weeks ago

John. Did I? I must be losing it.

Carol. You never had it to start with.

John. You love me really don’t you?

Carol. Dream on!

John. Oh I do, every night.

Carol. That’s all it’s ever going to be boy, a dream! You really are a fool.

(John. Sings “Oh Carol” in a jokey way).

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