(Enter Jacqui UL in a tizzy searching madly.)

Gramps: Maybe I should have an extra dose of my shark cartilage after supper.

Gran: It didn’t seem to help the shark much.

Gramps: (to Jacqui) If you’re searching for drugs, your grandmother and I gave that up years ago... at least the ones not covered by Blue Cross.

Jacqui: Oh, Gramps, have you seen my cell phone? I’ve tried to call it a million times but it’s on “vibrate” and I can’t hear it. I NEED that thing! It’s my life!

Gramps: Cell-phones come with a life? Maybe I should get one.

Gran: Of course you have a life. It’s the thing I make miserable.

Jacqui: What would you use a cell phone for, Gramps? I hardly think you need to be texting the old fuds down at the barbershop. What are you going to say? “Another nice buzz-cut, Cliff.” Or,