Millie: (enters from Kitchen) Oh crap, o...

Millie: (enters from Kitchen) Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. (She runs to the Outside door and opens it revealing Leona and a friend.)

Leona: Hi, Millie! I was just telling my new friend Eunice here what a sweet, kind, gentle lady you are!

Millie: (Grabbing Leona by the lapels) Don’t you ever knock on the door and say you’re the police again, Leona! That is something you never joke about!

Leona: Oh, uh… sorry, Millie. Maybe Eunice and I should just go.

Millie: Oh no! Please come in! Forgive me. Stupid flashbacks. Anyway this is Eunice? How nice to meet you, Eunice! (Millie brings them in as Esther and Grace join them.) Eunice: And you.

Esther: I am Esther, our group’s leader and this is Grace.

Eunice: Charmed, I’m sure. Esther, was it? And… I’m sorry, what was your name again?

Grace: Mmmmph!

Esther: Oh right. Grace has a mouthful of…

Grace: MMMMMPPH! (elbows Esther)

Esther: Oh! Uh… It’s a rice crispy square!

Eunice: It looked rather brown for a rice crispy square. I could see it when she opened her mouth.

Grace: MMMMPGH!

Eunice: There, see?

Millie: So how did you and Leona meet? We don’t get many new people in town. I think the last one was a decade ago.

Leona: We met at the café. Eunice told me she moved into the trailer park.

Millie: Where do you hale from?

Leona: She is from Springfield. Her and her husband decided to settle here because it’s so boring and monotonous… I mean nice and quiet.

Millie: Are you suddenly the spokesperson for Eunice?

Eunice: She won’t let me get a word in edgewise!

Leona: I’m sorry, Eunice. I’m just so excited to meet a new friend. Most of the people I know are stuffy and dull.

Esther: You know, Leona, the people you know are standing right here.

Grace: Yes. Not to mention the fact that compared to you, we are all party animals. I know you’ve only ever gotten tipsy once in your life. Never tried cigarettes. Never tried wild sex parties. Please tell me you’ve never been to a wild sex party. (Shudders.)

Leona: Of course I haven’t!

Eunice: Don’t look at me! Good heavens, Leona, what kind of strange group are you a member of?

Leona: Oh they’re not strange!

Millie: Well, now that you’ve brought wild sex parties up, I remember one time….

Leona: Okay, Millie is strange but the others aren’t quite as weird.

Millie: Maybe we should all come in and get comfortable. Try the baked goods! Maybe not you, Grace. They don’t seem to agree with you.

Grace: Oh pshaw. I’m fine. I just inhaled a bit by accident.

Millie: You don’t inhale brownies! That way you can say, “Sure I tried brownies, but I didn’t inhale.” Plausible deniability, people. It’s good to practice.

(Laughter with Millie, Leona and Eunice while Esther and Grace exchange knowing glances.)

Leona: Oh! Chocolate brownies? I love chocolate! I think it should be its own food group.

Eunice: I do like sweets. I love my treacle and spotted dick.

Millie: I spotted Dick earlier at the grocery store. He said hi.

Esther: No, Millie, spotted dick is an English dessert. It’s like sponge cake.

Grace: I thought it sounded like an STD.

Millie: I think I still have a few things to bring from the kitchen. You ladies entertain yourselves while I rustle up some more munchies. (Millie exits to kitchen)

Leona: Oh my it looks like Millie is really outdoing herself! I wonder if we were supposed to bring something.

Eunice: I did bring something. I brought me appetite!

Grace: Don’t worry. Millie’s baking will cure that.

For licensing inquiries, please visit Community Theatre Plays