This is the opening scene of Lost in Yonkers. Jay and Arty are
JAY: I hate coming here, don’t you?
ARTY: (in front of fan) It’s hot. I’m so hot.
JAY: I’d hate coming here if it was cool. Pop doesn’t even come and it’s his own mother …
[... … …]
ARTY: She went to high school?
JAY: A little. She missed the first year because she couldn’t find it.
For full extended monologue, refer to the script edition cited here: Neil Simon, Lost in Yonkers, in The Collected Plays of Neil Simon, Volume IV. Simon & Schuster, 1998, pp. 89-90.