Evan is sitting alone in a bar and decides to call his wife, Cheryl.
EVAN Hi, Cheryl.
EVAN I’d like to come home.
EVAN I miss you.
EVAN Of course. You know I love you.
CHERYL I have had no recent evidence of that.
EVAN I’m thinking of changing.
CHERYL You’re who you are, Evan. So it’s better this way.
EVAN How can never being together be better, especially when we’re expecting our first child?
CHERYL Because this way I’m not always wondering when you’ll be home. I can simply sit here and enjoy a nonalcoholic drink all by my disconsolate self.
EVAN Then at least let me ask you something. As you know, the Emmy Awards are tomorrow evening. May I ask if you’ll grace me with your lovely and distinguished company?
CHERYL The Emmys are part of the problem, Evan. You love winning them, apparently, even more
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