PRINCE HENRY Do thou stand for my fat...

PRINCE HENRY

Do thou stand for my father, and examine me upon the

particulars of my life.

FALSTAFF

Shall I? content: this chair shall be my state,

this dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown.

PRINCE HENRY

Thy state is taken for a joined-stool, thy golden

sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich

crown for a pitiful bald crown!

FALSTAFF

Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee,

now shalt thou be moved. Give me a cup of sack to

make my eyes look red, that it may be thought I have

wept; for I must speak in passion, and I will do it

in King Cambyses' vein.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, here is my leg.

FALSTAFF

And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility.

HOSTESS

O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i' faith!

FALSTAFF

Weep not, sweet queen; for trickling tears are vain.

Hostess

O, the father, how he holds his countenance!

FALSTAFF

For God's sake, lords, convey my tristful queen;

For tears do stop the flood-gates of her eyes.

HOSTESS

O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these harlotry

players as ever I see!

FALSTAFF

Peace, good pint-pot; peace, good tickle-brain.

Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy

time, but also how thou art accompanied: for though

the camomile, the more it is trodden on the faster

it grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted the

sooner it wears. That thou art my son, I have

partly thy mother's word, partly my own opinion,

but chiefly a villanous trick of thine eye and a

foolish-hanging of thy nether lip, that doth warrant

me. If then thou be son to me, here lies the point;

why, being son to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall

the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher and eat

blackberries? a question not to be asked. Shall

the sun of England prove a thief and take purses? a

question to be asked. There is a thing, Harry,

which thou hast often heard of and it is known to

many in our land by the name of pitch: this pitch,

as ancient writers do report, doth defile; so doth

the company thou keepest: for, Harry, now I do not

speak to thee in drink but in tears, not in

pleasure but in passion, not in words only, but in

woes also: and yet there is a virtuous man whom I

have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name.

PRINCE HENRY

What manner of man, an it like your majesty?

FALSTAFF

A goodly portly man, i' faith, and a corpulent; of a

cheerful look, a pleasing eye and a most noble

carriage; and, as I think, his age some fifty, or,

by'r lady, inclining to three score; and now I

remember me, his name is Falstaff: if that man

should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me; for, Harry,

I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be

known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then,

peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue in that

Falstaff: him keep with, the rest banish. And tell

me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast

thou been this month?

PRINCE HENRY

Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me,

and I'll play my father.

FALSTAFF

Depose me? if thou dost it half so gravely, so

majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up by

the heels for a rabbit-sucker or a poulter's hare.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, here I am set.

FALSTAFF

And here I stand: judge, my masters.

PRINCE HENRY

Now, Harry, whence come you?

FALSTAFF

My noble lord, from Eastcheap.

PRINCE HENRY

The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.

FALSTAFF

'Sblood, my lord, they are false: nay, I'll tickle

ye for a young prince, i' faith.

PRINCE HENRY

Swearest thou, ungracious boy? henceforth ne'er look

on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace:

there is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an

old fat man; a tun of man is thy companion. Why

dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that

bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel

of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed

cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with

the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that

grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in

years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and

drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a

capon and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft?

wherein crafty, but in villany? wherein villanous,

but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing?

FALSTAFF

I would your grace would take me with you: whom

means your grace?

PRINCE HENRY

That villanous abominable misleader of youth,

Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan.

FALSTAFF

My lord, the man I know.

PRINCE HENRY

I know thou dost.

FALSTAFF

But to say I know more harm in him than in myself,

were to say more than I know. That he is old, the

more the pity, his white hairs do witness it; but

that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster,

that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault,

God help the wicked! if to be old and merry be a

sin, then many an old host that I know is damned: if

to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh's lean kine

are to be loved. No, my good lord; banish Peto,

banish Bardolph, banish Poins: but for sweet Jack

Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff,

valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant,

being, as he is, old Jack Falstaff, banish not him

thy Harry's company, banish not him thy Harry's

company: banish plump Jack, and banish all the world.

PRINCE HENRY

I do, I will.