NOTE: This is the original script, as shared by the author.
JACKSON is on the roof, sitting in a chair waiting. MIRANDA enters through a door. She looks around, confused.
JACKSON
Hello.
MIRANDA
Oh. Hi.
JACKSON
Nice day out, isn't it?
MIRANDA
I'm sorry, I was looking for room 319.
JACKSON
You're close.
MIRANDA
Oh good. Can you tell me where it is?
JACKSON
Sure.
Silence
MIRANDA
Well?
JACKSON
Well what?
MIRANDA
Where is it?
JACKSON
Oh, I can't tell you until you pay me.
MIRANDA
You won't give me a simple direction unless I pay you?
JACKSON
Sorry, that's the rule.
MIRANDA
What kind of person are you?
JACKSON
I like to think I'm just like you.
MIRANDA
I've never charged anyone for directions.
JACKSON
Has anyone ever asked you for directions?
MIRANDA
No...
JACKSON
Well if anyone ever does, you should charge. It makes good business sense.
MIRANDA
Yes, fine, listen I really need to get to class so can you just tell me where it is? Please? Just once. I won't tell anyone.
JACKSON
Yes of course. As soon as I'm paid.
MIRANDA
Fine I'll play along. How much?
JACKSON
Seventy six dollars and nine cents.
MIRANDA
Seventy six dollars?
JACKSON
And nine cents.
MIRANDA
Forget it, I'll just ask someone else.
She tries to exit through the door, but it's locked
JACKSON
Sorry. Door's locked.
MIRANDA
Can you unlock it? Please? I need to get to class.
JACKSON
I'm sorry. That's gonna cost too.
MIRANDA
You've locked me on this roof and you're going to make me pay to get out?
JACKSON
I haven't done anything. They have.
MIRANDA
Who is the "they" you keep talking about?
JACKSON
Them!
MIRANDA
The college knows you do this?
JACKSON
Oh yes. They get a cut of what I make.
MIRANDA
People actually give you money?
JACKSON
You'd be surprised. You see that building right over there? That was built with the cut I gave them last year. And that statue was built a few years ago.
MIRANDA
This is ridiculous! I just want to go to class.
JACKSON
Will that be cash or check?
MIRANDA
Please, I really need to get to class.
JACKSON
VISA? MasterCard?
MIRANDA
Please just let me go! This is my first day, I didn't know any better! I never should have come here. I should have stayed in Fairview.
JACKSON
Fairview? I had a farm out there once.
MIRANDA
What happened to it?
JACKSON
They built a 7/11 on top of it.
MIRANDA
Oh. I'm sorry.
JACKSON
Don't be. This is a much easier way to earn a living.
MR. XYZ enters below
MR. XYZ
Excuse me, what's the hold-up here? I'm ready to start class and you're holding my student hostage.
JACKSON
Then start, you can have class without one student.
MR. XYZ
She's my only student.
JACKSON
Then you can have class up here.
MR. XYZ
Surely there's some sort of deferment or arrangement that can be made.
JACKSON
I'm afraid not.
MR. XYZ
She can't stay up there forever. Isn't there some sort of protocol for this sort of thing?
JACKSON
I'm afraid not. Nobody's ever refused to pay before.
MR. XYZ
Can't you let her down for my class? I'll bring her right back.
JACKSON
Nobody leaves the roof without paying.
MR. XYZ
I can't have a class with no student!
JACKSON
Find another student.
MR. XYZ
I want her.
JACKSON
Why?
MR. XYZ
I admire her tenacity.
JACKSON
I don't.
MIRANDA
(To. MR. XYZ)
I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to cause any trouble. Maybe I should just pay.
JACKSON
Cash or check?
MR. XYZ
No, you're not paying after all this. I won't let you.
MIRANDA
But there's no other way.
MR. XYZ
Stay there. I'll figure this out.
MR. XYZ exits.
JACKSON
I'm awfully sorry about this.
MIRANDA
So this is how you make a living?
JACKSON
You do what you have to do to survive.
MIRANDA
How do you do this day in and day out?
JACKSON
How does anyone do any of the things they do? You look the other way and then cash the checks.
MR. XYZ returns with an ADMINISTRATOR.
MR. XYZ
So as you can see, he's holding the girl hostage.
ADMINISTRATOR
Let me talk to her. (Shouting up to MIRANDA) Be reasonable, dear! You've come here for your education, haven't you? You know that comes at a price.
MIRANDA
This has nothing to do with my education!
ADMINISTRATOR
If you can't get to class I think it has something to do with it.
MIRANDA
This is a scam and I won't be part of it.
ADMINISTRATOR
Think of it as an investment.
MIRANDA
Absolutely not.
MR. XYZ
What if I paid the fee for her?
ADMINISTRATOR
That's not allowed.
MR. XYZ
What if she paid in installments?
ADMINISTRATOR
Absolutely not.
MR. XYZ
Well I can't have a class without any students!
ADMINISTRATOR
We can't have an educational institution if we give way to anarchy.
MR. XYZ
You would keep me from doing my job over sixty measly dollars?
ADMINISTRATOR
The policy is the policy.
MR. XYZ
Let me go up there.
ADMINISTRATOR
Why?
MR. XYZ
To try to talk some sense into her.
Pause.
It's the only way.
Silence.
ADMINISTRATOR
Fine.
MR. XYZ exits.
ADMINISTRATOR
You know you're really being very foolish, Miranda. You're throwing away your entire education.
JACKSON
He's right.
MR. XYZ arrives on the roof.
MR. XYZ
Hi Miranda.
MIRANDA
Hello. I'm sorry about all this.
MR. XYZ
Don't be.
MR. XYZ walks to the edge of the roof and speaks to the
ADMINISTRATOR.
Listen, sir, this is wrong. You know it's wrong. You used to be better than this.
ADMINISTRATOR
Damn it, don't be dramatic. You said you were going up there to talk some sense into the girl. Now do it and get down from there.
MR. XYZ
I'm not coming down. You can't have a university without teachers.
ADMINISTRATOR
You think you're the only teacher we could get? Don't be a fool, come down from there or you're both gone.
MIRANDA
Sir, maybe I should just pay.
MR. XYZ
No. I didn't come all the way up here to just give up.
MIRANDA
But it's the only way.
MR. XYZ
He leads MIRANDA to the edge of the roof
No, it isn't.
MIRANDA
What...you want me to jump?!
MR. XYZ
It's the only way.
MIRANDA
We're too high!
MR. XYZ
Maybe. Maybe not. But I'll jump with you.
MIRANDA
This won't work.
MR. XYZ
There's no alternative Miranda. You have to trust me.
MIRANDA
Okay. I'm ready if you are.
JACKSON
This is idiotic.
MR. XYZ
On three...
JACKSON
Be reasonable! (To the ADMINISTRATOR) Sir, are you going to let them get away with this?
ADMINISTRATOR
Please, they'll never survive.
MR. XYZ
One...
JACKSON
Please! I'll lower the fee!
MR. XYZ
Two...
JACKSON
I'll waive the maintenance tax!
MR. XYZ
Three!
(They jump just as the lights go out)
