I never have an “off night,” TJ. ...

I never have an “off night,” TJ. (To AUDIENCE.) Heartthrob’s ready to take you out twenty-four seven. (Tacky wink.) In fact, I was just serenading a young lady - when I heard a noise. I stopped mid-ballad and said, “is that you?” And she said, “no.” And I said, “it sounds like squealing!” And she replied, “it’s not me, Throb. Though I am really into this song.” Huh. So I put down my guitar and searched for the offending sound, only to find that it was coming from this very ring. Now, TJ, in my years as a part of Firestorm Wrestling, I’ve never known you to be a squealer. But I have to ask, was that you? No? I didn’t think so. So the only logical conclusion is that it came from that mutt you brought onto the stage with you. TJ, for as much as I love your taste in hats, you sure have crap taste in dogs. If that’s, indeed, what that thing is. Listen, despite the carnival atmosphere of this place, I am not in the business of wrestling cave bears. I have quality of life to maintain. And being seen with you might hurt that quality. (Confiding.) Why, I might have to try online dating like everyone else... (Shivers.) And that’d be awful. So, until they make a hazmat suit with a panel for abs, I’m gonna have to disrespectfully decline. Now keep the noise down!

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