The Little Dog Laughed

Diane: The Mahayana Buddhist monks of th


The Little Dog Laughed

See more monologues from Douglas Carter Beane


Age Range
Act I
Time & Place
New York City, present
Time Period
Show Type

Monologue Context

Diane is the high-profile agent of a potentially high-profile movie star client, who

Monologue Text

Diane: The Mahayana Buddhist monks of the Namghala Monastery create the sand mandala. This time-consuming expression of faith involves the delicate layering of multi-colored sand into intricate patterns. To see them is to be rendered speechless. They often take weeks to create. They are admired briefly, and then dismantled, blown away like the sand of the beach and washed into the sea. This ritual is performed as a constant reminder, that all of man’s toil is ultimately folly. As an exercise of tedious futility, this act pales in comparison to watching show business professionals order a salad. (Imitating.) “Yes, I want the Cobb salad and could you make sure that the chicken and the bacon are not touching and I want no egg, but bonus avocado and on the side extra-virgin olive oil and seven lemons. And there can be no red onion because my nutritionist says if I ingest red onion I will die!” (Back to herself) I am still in New York seated with not one, not two, but three studio executives, old friends, and we are all out-futiling one another with our orders. When this is over, fifteen minutes later, we will discuss liberal causes and scorching bits of sex gossip of friends not at this table. Fifteen minutes later, as our salads, our mandalas, are placed before us, the subject of our work will be discussed. One of the executives will mention that she has heard there is a play in town. It is supposed to be quite good and would make a marvelous movie. We all chew and nod and make mental notes to see it later. More importantly there is a marvelous role in this play. Sadly the role is that of a homosexual, but. If it. Could be. Portrayed by a star. It could get made. I chew I chew and I think – It would be great for my client I chew I chew and the ultimate springboard for me from agent to manager to...producing partner. I chew I swallow. Five hours later, I will be at the theatre to see the play. And all three studio executives will be there. Three hours after that. Our salads, our Mandalas, will have been digested and turned to manure. And we will sit on our toilets and shit them out. Where they will be flushed and washed into the sea.

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