Overview
- Female: 0
- Male: 3
Context
The ambassador has just returned to Athens after spending several years in the Persian court, and he is appearing at the assembly to speak to the citizens of the city. While Dicaeopolis watches, the ambassador disingenuously complains about his lavish treatment during his time in Persia. Dicaeopolis, who is already critical of the government and their handling of the Peloponeisian War, takes the ambassador’s speech as yet more evidence of the government’s corruption and their lack of
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HERALD ignoring this; loudly
The ambassadors, who are returned from the Court of the King!
DICAEOPOLIS
Of what King? I am sick of all those fine birds, the peacock ambassadors and their swagger.
HERALD
Silence!
DICAEOPOLIS as he perceives the entering ambassadors dressed in the Persian mode
Oh! oh! By Ecbatana, what a costume!
AMBASSADOR pompously
During the archonship of Euthymenes, you sent us to the Great King on a salary of two drachmae per diem.
DICAEOPOLIS aside
Ah! those poor drachmae!
AMBASSADOR
We suffered horribly on the plains of the Cayster, sleeping under tent, stretched deliciously on fine chariots, half dead with weariness.
DICAEOPOLIS aside
And I was very much at ease, lying on the straw along the battlements!
AMBASSADOR
Everywhere we were well received and forced to drink delicious wine out of golden or crystal flagons.....
DICAEOPOLIS aside
Oh, city of Cranaus, thy ambassadors are laughing at thee!
AMBASSADOR
For great feeders and heavy drinkers are alone esteemed as men by the barbarians.
DICAEOPOLIS aside
Just as here in Athens, we only esteem the wenchers and pederasts.
AMBASSADOR
At the end of the fourth year we reached the King's Court, but he had left with his whole army to take a crap, and for the space of eight months he was thus sitting on the can in the midst of the golden mountains.
DICAEOPOLIS aside
And how long did it take him to close his arse? A month?
AMBASSADOR
After this he returned to his palace; then he entertained us and had us served with oxen roasted whole in an oven.
DICAEOPOLIS aside
Who ever saw an ox roasted in an oven? What a lie!
AMBASSADOR
And one day, by Zeus, he also had us served with a bird three times as large as Cleonymus, and called the Hoax.
DICAEOPOLIS aside
And do we give you two drachmae, that you should hoax us thus?
AMBASSADOR
We are bringing to you Pseudartabas, the King's Eye.
DICAEOPOLIS
I would a crow might pluck out yours with his beak, you cursed ambassador!
--
Aristophanes. The Acharnians.
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