GABE Where are you? JESSICA I’m by...

GABE Where are you?

JESSICA I’m by the well.

GABE He’s stabbing me!

JESSICA I’m coming!

GABE No, he’s using my face for stabbing!

JESSICA Well, tell him to quit it!

(to the game - a war cry)

ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH! Take that, motherf##kers!

(to Gabe)

I’m almost there!

TODD VALIS, 27, emerges from one of the bedrooms, unbuttoning semi-official looking uniform shirt of a private security watchman. He takes in the game.

TODD What level is this?

JESSICA Where are you?

GABE Over here! I’m jumping. Do you see me? I’m jumping.

JESSICA Gotcha! Watch your back!

GABE Got it. Thanks.

JESSICA I gotta pee, for real. A lot.

GABE We’re almost there.

TODD Who is that?

GABE & JESSICA (quickly) Zhou Yun.

GABE Ready?

JESSICA Ready.

GABE Alright. One!

JESSICA Two!

GABE Three!

GABE & JESSICA MUSOU!!!

They both hit a button on their controller and the sound from the game erupts. Jessica is already up and edging her way towards the bathroom, thinking the fight is done. She takes in the screen and stops.

GABE That didn’t even f##king dent him...

JESSICA (sitting back down) Sh#t.

TODD (to Jessica) Dumpling! Get the dumpling! Behind you!

GABE No! Don’t!

JESSICA I know! I know!

GABE Ready?

JESSICA Seriously. I’m gonna pee myself!

GABE Don’t! You’ll ruin the couch!

Jessica snorts and gives two quick punches to Gabe’s arm.

JESSICA Don’t make me laugh or I will!

GABE Stop musou-ing me!

Jessica punches him again.

GABE Okay! Okay - watch your back! And one! Two!

JESSICA I’m sorry!

GABE Musou!

Jessica pauses the game and leaps up over the back of the couch, launching herself towards the bathroom.

JESSICA I’ll be right back!

Jessica slams the bathroom door behind her. Gabe is shell shocked. He has no idea what to do - his rhythm is broken.

GABE Okay... Okay... (calling) HURRY!

JESSICA (from the bathroom) I’d be faster if I had gone a half hour ago when I wanted to!

GABE Okay! I’m just saying hurry!

Gabe “shadowboxes” with the inactive controller, trying to keep his body in the game. After a beat...

TODD What are you doing?

GABE Shhhhh! I’m trying not to f##k up my rhythm.

JESSICA (from inside the bathroom) Where is the toilet paper?

GABE I don’t know! Use a f##king towel! Just get back in here!

Todd bounds over the back of the couch, landing in Jessica’s spot. He picks up her abandoned controller and hits the pause button. The sound of the game bursts to life.

GABE What are you doing?

TODD Who are we killing?

JESSICA (shouting panicked from inside the bathroom) What are you doing?

GABE (to Todd, in full-on survival mode) Everybody but me. Watch the spear!

Todd nods. He aims his laser focus at the screen - a calm, cool killing machine.

Jessica bursts from the bathroom in a panic.

JESSICA What are you doing?

TODD I’m killing Wang Fun.

GABE Zhou Yun.

JESSICA Pause it!

TODD Hold on!

JESSICA Don’t f##k up my guy!

TODD I’m not going to f##k anything up.

Bang! Todd makes a big move, and it is triumphant.

TODD Take that!

JESSICA Where is the toilet paper?

GABE I think it’s in my room.

Jessica bolts off for the second bedroom. As she goes...

JESSICA Seriously! Don’t f##k up my guy!

GABE He does this big swinging thing. Watch it. Ready? One, two... MUSOU!

TODD What?

GABE Circle! Circle!

Sound erupts from the game. Jessica emerges from Gabe’s room, roll of toilet paper in hand, and bolts towards the bathroom.

JESSICA Pause it! I’ll be right back.

Jessica slams the door of the bathroom behind her.

GABE (to the game) Yeah! F##k yeah! Take that!

Gabe and Todd have fallen into a rhythm. Their fingers dance virtuosically on the controllers. They lean into the game with a hot focus.

Jessica bursts out of the bathroom.

JESSICA Pause it!

Jessica leaps over the back of the couch, landing between Todd and Gabe. Todd and Gabe continue playing. Jessica reaches for Todd’s controller and wraps her hand around it.

JESSICA Pause it!

TODD (pulling the controller back away) Watch it!

Jessica reaches in again to take the controller.

JESSICA Let go!

She slips the controller out of Todd’s hands. Todd retreats to perch on the arm of the sofa, watching them.

JESSICA Where is he?

GABE Behind you.

JESSICA Where?

GABE There! There!

JESSICA I don’t see you. F##k...

GABE On the count of...

JESSICA One?

GABE Two!

JESSICA F##K!

GABE Watch it! Get him! Get him!

JESSICA I’m trying!

GABE Look out!

The game spits out a litany of unpleasant sounds - not the sounds of victory. Jessica slams her controller to the floor.

JESSICA F##K!!!

(a beat)

F##k.

(a beat)

F##k...

(a beat)

Damn it.

Jessica and Gabe stare at the screen. A moment passes as they take in their defeat.

JESSICA (to Gabe) I’m sorry.

GABE (comforting) It wasn’t your fault.

A beat.

JESSICA (to Todd) What the f##k is wrong with you?

TODD Nothing.

JESSICA God damn it.

Jessica gets up and storms out of the room into the bedroom Todd had emerged from, slamming the door behind her.

[pwnd] was developed with The CRY HAVOC Company

For licensing inquiries, please contact [email protected]