Overview
- Female: 4
- Male: 1
Context
A conversation is ensuing in the restaurant’s dining room which centres around Simon’s apparent drinking problem and Janet’s disappointment of their honeymoon so far. This is a constant issue throughout. Penny, as always, is keen to offer advice.
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JANET — Simon, please remember what we agreed. Not too much. I have certain expectations of you tonight. There’s a standard to be reached. A bar, if you like.
SIMON — There’s a bar here? Where? I haven’t seen a bar.
JANET — No, Simon, there is no bar here. It’s one of the things that attracted me to the place. Remember when we went to that hotel in Tenby? You never left the bar. I might as well have been invincible. (ALL LOOK AT JANET).
SIMON — She means invisible.
JANET — You spent more time talking to the barmaid than you did to me. And let’s just say you didn’t rise the occasion. (DOES THING WITH KNIFE).
SIMON — (PUSHING KNIFE DOWN) Yes, but you caught up with your sleep, didn’t you? Spending all that time in bed.
JANET — Waiting for you to come up from the bar! “I’ll just have one for the road, Janet, and then I’ll be up.” Well, as usual, nothing ever did come up. (DOES THING WITH KNIFE).
SIMON — (PUSHING KNIFE DOWN) Oh, stop nagging, Janet. Do you know, you’ve changed since we got married.
JANET — We only got married yesterday! And, so far, I have to admit, married life has been very disappointing.
JENNY — WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW?
PENNY — Well, Simon here has turned out to be a bit of a disappointment to Janet. It turns out he’s got a bit of a drink problem.
SIMON — I do not have a drink problem!
PENNY — And a touch of erectile dysfunction. (DOES THING WITH KNIFE).
SIMON — I do not have bloody erectile dysfunction!
JENNY — DYSFUNCTION!
PENNY — I guess, Janet, you never really know someone until you’re married, do you?
SIMON — Of course she knows me. We’ve been together for five years.
PENNY — Ah, yes, but as soon as that wedding ring goes on her finger, you men change. (TO JENNY) Men change, don’t they, Jenny?
JENNY — CHANGE! BASTARDS!
PENNY — That ring means ownership. It screams to the world – LOOK AT ME! I’m now someone else’s property. I am now owned body and soul by Simon. The man with a drink problem.
SIMON — I do not have a drink problem!
TANIA (APPEARING) — Another bottle, Simon?
SIMON — Ooh, yes please, Tania.
JANET (HITTING SIMON) — Oh, Simon, you promised! (EXITS, UPSET).
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